Overambitious

Whenever I start a new blog I have these crazy ideas about how I'll make it perfect and become a real blog queen, but that never happens. Why? Because I think that I'll get to where I'm going immediately(it's a little like it is with starting to try and lose weight) I get lazy and give up. I tell myself that I won't get readers, I'm not creative enough, It is a waste of the creative energy I've got, I can't make it happen. All of this is wrong, because I know I can, and a good blog is never a waste. Okay, so my goal in life is not being a professional blogger, but it's a nice hobby. I'm going to uni on Monday and I bet I'll have lots of time to blog in between everything else. I need study breaks and I need fun.

Another problem is what will I fill this little blog with, my home on the Internet. The first things that pop into my head are; popular culture(music, movies, books and comics), fashion, life, beauty & positivity. I am not a person with a message or a way of thinking that I want to get across to the world, or am I? You see, I'd love for everyone to chill out, take the middle road and focus on the positive. I take the negative route so easily, and I suffer from anxiety that makes being positive even harder, but I decided to be happy anyway and most of the time it works. I don't cry myself to sleep every night anymore. I'm becoming better, and I want to share that with everyone.

There is plenty to tap into, I'm into gender-issues, size-issues(I'm fat), welfare-issues, class-issues & the big scary environment-issues. So I don't have to be all brain dead either. It's just so difficult deciding on what I should choose to write about and what I should leave behind. I could have themed days, with alliterations in the titles. "Tired Thursday" "Fashion Friday" & then stick to the rules. I don't know.
Need more time.

We are all innocent

One day you'll have to let it go

Lately I've been revisiting my teen years, I don't know if it's the fear of growing up, or grief over emotions I no longer feel(I cry, but the emotions are phony). My main way of revisiting them is through pop-culture. I listen to our lady peace, placebo, muse(who I saw live a few weeks ago), Pixies' Where is my mind, My Chemical Romance, Green Day & the Clash. I watch Fight Club, Donnie Darko, Imaginary Heroes, Kill Bill vol 1, Grind, Buffy(TV-show, of course), the Breakfast Club, Supernatural, Gilmore Girls. Veronica Mars. & it blows my mind.

Then I watch, & listen to, stuff I didn't really have on repeat. The Horrors. The Beatles. Doctor Who. Janis Joplin. Little Miss Sunshine. Belle & Sebastian. & I can still feel it.

It was horrible when it went on, but I just want to be able to feel that strongly again. I realize that my not caring about anything anymore isn't all it's cracked up to be and I wish I didn't spend so many years having that as my main goal. I still cry as much as I did back then, but I live in a weird bubble. The bad kind of bubble. I never find anything new to love, fangirl over & remember. I think I need it.