One day you'll have to let it go
Lately I've been revisiting my teen years, I don't know if it's the fear of growing up, or grief over emotions I no longer feel(I cry, but the emotions are phony). My main way of revisiting them is through pop-culture. I listen to our lady peace, placebo, muse(who I saw live a few weeks ago), Pixies' Where is my mind, My Chemical Romance, Green Day & the Clash. I watch Fight Club, Donnie Darko, Imaginary Heroes, Kill Bill vol 1, Grind, Buffy(TV-show, of course), the Breakfast Club, Supernatural, Gilmore Girls. Veronica Mars. & it blows my mind.
Then I watch, & listen to, stuff I didn't really have on repeat. The Horrors. The Beatles. Doctor Who. Janis Joplin. Little Miss Sunshine. Belle & Sebastian. & I can still feel it.
It was horrible when it went on, but I just want to be able to feel that strongly again. I realize that my not caring about anything anymore isn't all it's cracked up to be and I wish I didn't spend so many years having that as my main goal. I still cry as much as I did back then, but I live in a weird bubble. The bad kind of bubble. I never find anything new to love, fangirl over & remember. I think I need it.
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